


Mother

by KeelieThompson1



Series: Stand the hazard of the die [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Family Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-11 09:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11145570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeelieThompson1/pseuds/KeelieThompson1
Summary: In the wake of a tragedy, Padme must find a way to cope as the galaxy plunges deeper and deeper into a dark future. 3rd in the series where seven year old Luke was sent back to the Clone Wars era.





	1. Naboo

She couldn’t bear the lake retreat. Even the idea of it made her want to cry. Images of their marriage, of Anakin’s nervous look as she’d drawn him to her bed for the first time. Anakin’s joy at swimming in the lake with her in those two precious days that they’d had after their wedding. Then later, living there with Luke as a family.

If the Jedi were to be believed, her daughter would never know that family unit. Anakin wouldn’t take her into the lake and teach her how to swim while Luke desperately tried to match his father in everything. She could see that image; Anakin’s smiling, laughing face as he brought a baby close to his lips to kiss her cheek and then lifted her out of the water, his hands sure and steady. Later, roughhousing with Luke and probably throwing the child across the water as Luke screamed with glee.

No. Not the lake retreat.

And living at her parents, even for a week had been more than she could handle. Everyone crept around, as if they thought that might upset her.

Losing her husband had upset her. Losing that father of her children upset her. She couldn’t give a kriffin’ damn what anyone did at the moment.

She’d rented out an apartment overlooking the river in Theed. It was about a three-minute walk to her parents’ house and Luke sometimes wandered back and forth with Threepio when she insisted that she needed a lie down. More often than not, her son would sneak back in and cuddle up to her as she cried. And, at night, when he woke up from fitful dreams and stared longingly up at the sky, she held him while he shook so hard she thought he might break apart.

She ignored her Queen. And the chancellor. And the Jedi. And any attempts to have her discuss her sudden resignation from the senate.

She didn’t really know what she did all day now. Only that grief made her struggle to rise from her bed. That food tasted like ash and she ate it only because her daughter needed her to eat. And Luke needed to see her eat so that he would so the same. Days and nights became an unfathomable blur.

She grew bigger. Luke went with her to the health check-ups, standing like her own personal guard when in fact Gregar Typho was stood outside doing that exact same job.

She’d told him to go so many times. He nodded, agreed with every point she made and still was there the next time she opened the door.

He rarely came in.

Apart from today.

“There’s a visitor at your parents,” Gregar said, standing at the shielded doors and watching Luke as he sat outside. Her son had his knees up tight to his chest and stared out while Threepio moved animatedly as if he were talking. “A Jedi.”

“Unless Obi-Wan Kenobi is at their house, I don’t care. My wishes stand,” Padme said, folding her arms over the top of the bump as she stared out.

“He says his name is Eekar Oki.”

The name meant little to her. Reluctantly she looked over at Gregar and sighed. “What does he want?”

“The gungan, Jar-Jar Binks? He sent a distressed message.”

Yes, she’d heard it. Something about concerns for Boss Leonie stirring up trouble against the humans. “I cannot go,” she said reluctantly. “Under water, the pressure…” she trailed off.

“He knows. He would, however, like to talk to you.”

The selfish mourning wife within her said no. The mother said yes. If there truly was a chance that Boss Leonie was debating making an alliance with the separatists, then Naboo could become a warzone and her children would grow up in that.

She nodded once and pretended that she didn’t hear him suck in a surprised breath. 

“I’ll…tell him to come here?”

“Tell him to be brief,” Padme corrected.

“And…I assume that you are planning something for tomorrow?”

Tomorrow? Blankly, she turned to look at Gregar. “Why would I be?”

Gregar’s gaze flickered back to Luke. “It will be his ninth birthing day.”

What? No, that wasn’t right! Annoyed, she picked up a datatpad and then stared at the date with disbelief. “No,” she said slowly. “He’d have said-”

And Anakin had promised to be back for it. They were going to go to the fields on Naboo and Anakin was going to let Luke fly before they had a picnic. And a party for his friends on Coruscant so that Anakin could see how funny Luke was as he trailed around after Wondi.

It wasn’t meant to be like this. This was…this was wrong. So wrong. Unfair and cruel and-

Her daughter shifted again and Padme drew in a long breath, trying to calm herself. “No-one said.”

“He promised to be back for it,” Gregar said very softly. “I didn’t…I wasn’t sure you wanted to deal with it.”

She didn’t. Part of her. But Luke had experienced so few birthing days when people had cared about him, that she couldn’t let him experience another one.

Part of her suddenly hated Anakin for leaving and not keeping his word. Stupid, but she felt it all the same. “I will talk to the Jedi,” she said stiffly. She really should talk to her parents too, to discuss Luke, but one thing at a time.

As he slipped away, she deactivates the shield and stepped out into the garden. It wasn’t as big as her parents, but there was a tree and room for Luke to run around if he chose. More often though, he seemed to come out and sit quietly and part her suspected that he searched for his father more often than not.

It was a bit of a struggle to ease herself to sit down next to him, but she did it and was pleased when her son leaned into her a little. Together, they sat quietly and she stroked his hair.

“What do you want to do tomorrow for your birthing day?”

Luke flinched a little and shook his head.

“We should do something,” she urged, but again Luke shook his head. His eyes were bright and for a second she thought he would cry. But her son had been getting better at fighting those back and simply squared his jaw a little in a way that gave him a similar expression to Anakin.

He was going to struggle tomorrow, she thought with a sigh. 

“Senator Amidala?” a hesitant voice asked.

When she turned, a Mon Calamari stood in the doorway, as if hesitant about whether he was allowed outside. In the dimness of the kitchen, Gregar sat, arms folded and clearly not leaving, not getting to involved.

“I am no longer a senator,” she said as Luke peered around her to stare at the Jedi. “You wished to talk about Jar-Jar’s message and the gungans?”

The Jedi nodded. “That is… part of the reason.”

“Part of?” she echoed. “What is the other part then?”

The Jedi’s eyes fell on Luke for a moment. “Protection,” he said honestly.

“And they sent you?” she asked, a little derisive. “I’ve never heard of you and-”

“You were being knighted,” Luke said quietly. “The day before Dad left.”

Padme glanced between her son and the Jedi. For a moment she wanted to continue the verbal attack, but Luke seemed to be happy enough to see the Mon Calamari. Perhaps he had been sent on purpose as a fresh new face that was less likely to annoy her.

Or they genuinely didn’t care but wanted it to appear they were doing the right thing.

Cynic, she thought as she gestured the Jedi over. “What do you need to know about the gungans?”

Eekar seemed to hesitate a little. “I…” Stars, he was so young she thought with some annoyance at the Jedi. “Anything,” he said eventually. “Everything. If you would agree to a holo-”

She shook her head. “To send the holo of a former senator is…it looks like we do not care.”

“No-one else is willing to go down there,” Eekar said apologetically. “And you cannot, my lady. No-one is arguing that. Boss Leonie appears to be firing them all up with-”

“Boss Leonie was always reasoned and measured,” Padme corrected. “The separatists must have something on him or be feeding him a lie.”

Eekar nodded. “Perhaps…may I ask some more questions and go down tomorrow? If you tell me the best way to proceed and perhaps we do accept that the holo, while not idea might be the best way forward-”

Padme nodded and it was suddenly a mercy to have something else to talk about rather than Anakin. Even if she was talking to a Jedi. 

Xxx

Thankfully, Luke (of all people) kept the evening from being uncomfortable. She’d thought that he might be angry or frustrated with any Jedi knights that came to visit, but instead he seemed fascinated about the gungans and asked a thousand questions of herself and Gregar which helped Eekar out no end. And he asked Eekar about how the cultures between his home world and the gungans were different and seemed more than happy to listen to the young knight’s replies. Luke even groaned in protest when she told him it was time to go to bed, something he hadn’t done in a while.

They all said their goodnights and she was hopeful for the first hour that it would be a change for her and Luke. But she heard the muffled sobs not long after and closed her eyes. Then stood, leaving her room and passing Eekar in the hall who stood looking torn and uncomfortable.

“Is he all right?” he asked.

“The council have declared his father is dead,” she snapped at him. “None of us are all right.”

With that, she slammed the door in his face and went to Luke, gathering her son up as best she could.

Her boy was upset. So terribly upset he was almost struggling to breathe with it and she hated that she couldn’t fix it for him, that there was no way of helping him with this wound other than to wait for the hurt to fade a little. Even then, there would always be says where it sprung up and drowned them both in it.

How could Anakin have left them?

But maybe…maybe he would come back. He had in Luke’s future. Maybe they just need to hold on and that was worse in a way. Not knowing and feeling like trying to move on might be giving up and she couldn’t to either.

They fell asleep on Luke’s bed. He was curled around her stomach, almost as if guarding his little sister and she stroked his hair, marvelling at how little he still looked. Nine years old, she thought as she looked out the window. 

How could a nine-year-old have coped with so much in such a short life time?

She drifted and dozed, which was a familiar sleeping pattern since Anakin had…since the ship had been attacked.

xxx

It was the noise of a blaster fire and repulsors that woke her.

Luke was already sitting up, scrambling for the window as she stood, slower and with more horror than her son. Someone was pounding on the door and, when she opened it, Eekar and Gregar stood on the otherside, dressed for bed, but armed.

“We need to move, my lady,” Eekar said gently, his lightsabre not active, but in his hand. 

Luke scampered back over from the window, eyes wide, but he didn’t seem afraid. Padme looked down at him and then nodded, reaching for the cupboard before she drew out her blaster. “Where are we going to?”

“A ship to get us out of here,” Gregar said.

What? “This is my home-planet. Your home-planet and-”

“You are heavily pregnant and the boy is a boy,” Gregar corrected. “And like it or not, my lady, you are a very tempting hostage for the separatists.”

But if they left without fighting… she stood still, paralysed by the indecision weighing her down. “My parents-”

“The troops won’t know or care who they are. They will if you go to them,” Gregar said firmly. “Padme. Luke needs to leave here. Now.”

Luke? She blinked between them.

“Count Dooku is on his way,” Eekar said, glancing down at Luke. “He, as far as we know, has no real apprentice.”

The implication made her want to shoot him. Pulling her son close, she nodded and strode towards the small flight of stairs. Eekar danced ahead of them a little so that he went down first. She tightened her grip on Luke’s pyjamas, her mind suddenly racing.

Luke was sensitive to the force. What if her daughter was too? And the sith wanted apprentices. Suddenly an entire galaxy of threats opened up before her in a way that she had never imagined.

Maybe she should take them to the council. 

The second she thought it, Padme dismissed it. Anakin would never have allowed it and Luke was not going to be a Jedi. He didn’t want to use the force, had no interest in it beyond what Yoda did with him in order to allow his mind to heal from all that tampering.

She had to keep them safe. Both of them.

The streets were alive with motion and noise. The fighting wasn’t so heavy where they were, but the droids were marching through and the gungans marched with them. Palace guards were running to defend the civilians, but it was clear that everything was coming as a surprise to them. 

They were defenceless. 

And she knew, suddenly, that the next time she stepped foot on her home-world, it wouldn’t be the same. Couldn’t be when the gungans fought the human Nubians. Tears blurred her vision as the idea sunk in.

Naboo. Her Naboo, was being destroyed.

And then there was no time to mourn. A droid spotted their party and fired. Eekar ignited his blade and rebounded the blasts back at the droids as Gregar shot to give them cover. Grabbing Luke’s hand, she headed with him up the hill and towards the palace docks.

The fighting was heavier the closer they got to the palace. She ducked down into an alleyway with her son and tried to think. The old tunnels leading up to the palace had been blocked after her reign, a move she had not agreed with, but the argument had been that too many knew about it. Going via the river would be almost impossible with her pregnancy at this stage.

Something nagged at her as she looked around. Almost as if something or someone should be there, but wasn’t.

“Is there another way to get access to a ship?” Eekar asked as he ducked into the quiet street, turning off the blade so as to avoid attracting attention. 

“One of us will have to go via the river,” Gregar said slowly. “I’ll do it.”

“Captain,” Padme protested. “It’s dangerous. You-”

But he nodded and smiled and left all the same. The child shifted again and Padme leaned heavily against the wall.

“Mom?”

“I’m fine,” she said, absently stroking his hair. “How did this happen?” she demanded of Eekar.

The Mon Calamari shook his head. “There was meant to be more time,” he said, sounding baffled. “Why would they have moved this up. Why…” he drifted off and glanced back at Luke.

Her heart dropped and sheer terror engulfed her. “They want him, don’t they?”

Eekar looked between her and Luke and then turned his attention back to the main streets. “The council thought…they thought the sith would wait until he was older. That I could stop any opportunistic attempts for now. But this…” he shook his head. 

Padme pulled Luke as close as she could and then bent as far as was possible in her condition. “If we get separated-”

“Mom,” he whined at her, looking annoyed at even the suggestion.

“If,” she repeated. “Then go to Master Yoda. Do you hear? Not Coruscant, not the council or the chancellor. Go to Master Yoda.”

Luke’s gaze dipped down to her belly and he actually looked like he might spoil for a fight.

“Promise me,” she hissed at him, grabbing his chin. “I will not have a future where you are trained to kill Jedi. Not when you will have a sister and not when he might come back.”

The message must have gotten through because her son blinked at her and then nodded wide eyed.

“Say the wor-”

A hail of fire suddenly lit up the alleyway they were stood in. Eekar jumped into action, but a few got through and she pushed her son down so that they huddled together against the walls. And, as she went, she felt something in her shift.

It was something big and small and her body knew it wasn’t what was meant to happen exactly. Gasping, she froze in terror, hand on her stomach and the child within it, wishing and praying that nothing had gone wrong.

“We need to move,” Eekar said firmly as the last droid fell. 

She could feel Luke’s gaze on her as he scrambled away, but kept close and crouching as if waiting to pounce in case she needed help. And, as she reached to get to her feet, something almost twisted in her and she could feel fluid.

No.

Eekar froze. The three of them stayed absolutely still, as if that might make a difference, but then a wave of pain made her want to clench and push and no. This couldn’t happen now.

“Human births take some time, correct?” Eekar checked.

“Nubian births are quick,” she snapped, trying to remember what the manual she’d read said about breathing. She hadn’t bothered to read it since Ani…

“It’s too early,” she whispered, scared. This couldn’t be happening. This was…what if this was Luke’s future? What if it were coming true?

“Move further down,” Eekar said after a moment. “The other side, is it a dead end?”

She nodded. “Easy to get over the walls there if you go through the houses-”

“Can you aim and fire?”

She nodded because what other choice was there? It hurt getting to her feet and she wasn’t sure how she managed to make her way down the alley. Luke held her hand, hovered close and stayed absolutely silent.

Mercifully, Eekar spread out his cloak as she sat down so that she was protected slightly from the floor and she winced at the sight of Luke only in his pyjamas during a fire fight and what was starting to look like a mild night.

“Your sister,” she said to him, “has terrible timing. We are going to remind her of this for the rest of her life.”

Instead of looking reassured, Luke looked worried. “But she-”

Padme pulled him to her, kissing his forehead. “If I tell you to run, you need to run.”

She felt him shake his head into her, felt the tears that coated her shoulder and hissed as the next contraction hit. And her son, her wonderful clever, brave son, reached for her hand and held on for dear life as she battled with the contraction.

xxx

It didn’t take long. Within an hour, she could feel the baby shifting with more purpose as the urge to push grew stronger. She felt, as best she could to check that she was dilated enough and then glanced between her son and the jedi knight protecting them.

Dear force, she was going to have to scar her son for life. 

They were trying to draw Eekar out. The narrow alleyway was wide enough for him to move with ease and keep their fire back and away but he was tiring, she could see it. And it wouldn’t take long for the droids to find the other route in and then she wasn’t sure what they would do.

She fired when she could. In between contractions, she shot through to help Eekar out. 

Then broken glass rang out above them.

This was it. 

She’d failed her children. They would all die in some alleyway and Luke might be taken and twisted and it was all her fault and where was Anakin? A wave of pain hit and she lost focus to fire, doubling over and feeling something strange happen within her because it felt like her body was no longer hers to command anymore but rather was at the mercy of this greater force that she could do nothing against. 

Then something outside of her body happened. Like a pulse wave or when Anakin accelerated too fast and she could almost feel the atmosphere for a moment.

When she opened her eyes, Luke was stood, one hand still in hers and the other stretched out into a fist. His stance was firm and confident.

It was only when he opened his fist that she realised that the three droids that had been advancing on them from the windows and roof tops above were now scrap metal. Sparks flew from them as their remaining parts fell to the alleyway, released from Luke’s grp.

She didn’t know what to make of it. Too much was going on at the moment and she couldn’t cope or think or react how she was meant to.

Her son turned slightly and turned his hand so that the back of it faced the droids Eekar was fighting. Then, he made a harsh move and the droids sailed backwards, out of the alleyway and out of her vision.

Luke reached out a hand again, dropping hers and Eekar’s lightsabre flew to his hand as he stepped over her and strode towards the entrance of the alley.

He wasn’t walking right. Her son bounded and leapt or dragged his heels when the word ‘cleaning’ was used. This was a determined march of someone who was unafraid and ready for battle.

 “See to her,” Luke ordered and her heart stopped because that wasn’t her son. That wasn’t a tone Luke was capable of using. And her eight-year-old son didn’t know how to spin a lightsabre in his hand or gesture with a careless wave that sent the next unit slamming against the wall.

Eekar was staring in horror.

“Now,” Luke snarled and he turned to face them properly, his eyes amber and Padme couldn’t…that wasn’t…the Jedi and Anakin had said it was Anakin’s future self that was trapped within their son and amber eyes and she knew what that meant and-

“Focus,” Eekar demanded, kneeling back down. “One thing at a time.”

“Luke-”

“Nothing will happen to the boy,” Luke said and when would Anakin call their son ‘the boy’ unless he was teasing Luke?

A fresh pain hit, like ripples on the lakes of Naboo and she screamed out. Showers of sparks erupted as droids crumpled and were ripped apart by the lightsabre that flashed around her son. Eekar muttered something to himself and his hands were pushing her legs apart and something was huge inside and the pressure made her bear down.

“Good,” Eekar said. His eyes glanced over at what she assumed was Luke and he seemed torn between awe and disgust. “Push with the next contraction, pause a second.”

Pause?

“You’d read up on this,” she whispered.

“Master Yoda insisted.” Eekar glanced up. “We knew the other child’s birthing day could mean an early arrival.”

Why was that…

Twins.

The child that had died. Master Yoda had suspected… 

She looked over at Luke. He stood far away from the droids, the lightsabre used only to deflect bolts from herself and him. His hand reaching out to crush any that he could.

“Anakin.”

His shoulders stiffened, but he didn’t acknowledge her.

“Anakin,” she shouted louder. “Was it a girl?”

The pressure suddenly increased and all the droids coming over blasted off their feet and into the walls. Nubian soldiers were now on the streets, firing and helping.

“Anakin,” she screamed.

“Yes,” he said, and his voice was like nothing she had ever heard from him before.

“Leia,” she said firmly.

When he looked back at her, his eyes were blue. For a second, they stared at each other and then the amber faded in again and he turned back to the fresh wave of droids.

Leia.

The next push caused a cry to echo out and some of the pain to ease. Eekar was nodding and muttering something, but she couldn’t really hear him.

Live.

Push.

Leia.

Luke.

Live.

She opened her eyes and steeled herself, suddenly determined. 

The next push had the baby out and into Eekar’s arms. The relief was almost euphoric but she reached out all the same, failing to care about anything but the baby girl in the Jedi’s arms.

She was perfect. Tiny and helpless and covered in fluids that Padme didn’t really want to think about, but she was there and alive. Her tiny fists flailed angrily, as if she were ready to step into the fight too and Padme laughed and cried because wasn’t that Anakin all over?

Pressing her lips to the newborn’s hair, Padme drew her close and then winced when Eekar pushed her legs open again because there was more to come and fix and she barely paid any attention to it. 

Leia.

Padme looked up and over at the figure of her son. In his future, he would have been born too (first? Last? Which should have been the oldest?) and he wouldn’t have stood over her like this.

Anakin wouldn’t have been there in some strange way.

Amber eyes flashed in her vision and she bit back a sob. The battle didn’t seem to be stopping, but it did seem to be moving as the army tried to push the droids back from the city.

“Can you move?” Eekar asked gently.

She’d have to. Sore and exhausted, she struggled to get to her feet, unwilling to hand Leia over. Her daughter who was so small (and should she be that small?) wailed in her arms and this was so far from ideal or what they’d planned.

Luke stood at the entrance and, beyond him, Gregar was coming close with a land speeder.

“I have a ship,” he said, as he drew up close. “Not far. I can…” he trailed off and looked first at Luke and then at Leia. Then he looked at Padme in disbelief as he climbed out. “Why are his-”

Whatever Gregar had been about to say died when Luke suddenly staggered, his breathing quick and short. Eekar pulled the lightsabre to him quickly and deactivated it as Luke’s body jolted and spasmed before he stumbled to the ground.

Gregar just about managed to catch him.

“Later,” Padme said as she headed for the speeder. “We need to leave. Now.”

Xxx

The streets of Naboo were littered with the dead and droid parts. In her memory, she’d never seen an attack like this on the planet.

“The river’s blocked,” Gregar told her as she kept one hand on Luke and the other cradling Leia. “The gungans have taken it.”

This shouldn’t have happened. It was all she could think as she stared out at the devastation. The Nubian army was pushing the droids back, but she wondered how long they’d hold up and how long it would take for a republic clone army to arrive.

Her son didn’t stir as they flew up to the palace, passing soldiers and running clones that had been stationed close. Leia was asleep, as if exhausted with everything that had happened, and Padme didn’t blame her.

It seemed to surreal that the person in her stomach was suddenly a human being on her own. That Padme could touch her and she could be stolen from her arms and that was terrifying.

How could she keep hold of both her children now? She needed Anakin. 

He had to come back.

Had to.

Xxx

The palace was in full alert. No-one paid much attention to them other than to check Padme and Gregar by sight and then promptly ignore them when they saw the children.

She was in shock. She knew that. Her breathing was loud in her ears and she wouldn’t move. Wouldn’t let go of Leia or move away from Luke.

Sith.

A sith.

She’d died in child birth. Anakin had been declared dead. What if he’d come back to the galaxy, found his way back from the accident only to discover that she and their children had died? If Luke and Leia had been hidden from the sith threat as the Jedi order had been wiped out then Anakin would have come back to nothing and turned.

When had he found out that their children had lived? He’d known enough to confirm to her that Leia had been the name of the twin that had died. That the force had worked again to ensure that her children were both in this timeline. If he’d been too late for Leia and too late to protect Luke…

It was immaterial. It wouldn’t happen this time around. She wouldn’t let it.

As they flew, she found herself staring at the back of Eekar’s head. 

A jedi knew that a sith lord was in her son’s head. Apparently making himself known only when Luke was in danger which she found she was absolutely fine with given the state of things. Would the jedi view Luke as a threat?

Would they view Anakin as a threat?

Would they try to take Luke or Leia? Her heart fluttered at the idea that one day her family might end up on the opposite sides of a battle.

Run.

It wasn’t dignified or noble. It wasn’t want Senator Amidala would do. But Senator Amidala had died with Anakin’s mission. She wasn’t his wife anymore.

She was Luke and Leia’s mother.

They drew up close to a ship and she eyed up the row of them. The cruisers were being ignored in favour of the smaller ships that made up the royal fleet. Gregar jumped out and went to take Luke. Instead, she handed him Leia.

She could see the surprise on his face, but he said nothing. His face simply creased in confusion as she turned to Eekar who was checking Luke’s vitals.

“I’m sorry,” she said gently.

He realised what she was about to do. As she cracked the blaster down on his face, she could see the moment when he realised and opened his mouth to protest. She probably shouldn’t have been able to do it, but he was exhausted and half close to collapse anyway.

He collapsed back into the speeder, unconscious and Padme let lose a breath of relief.

He’d be safe in the palace. They’d evacuate a Jedi.

She reached out for Leia and grabbed Gregar’s hand. “I will not let the Jedi or the Sith have my children,” she said firmly. “If that’s a problem then for the sake of all that we have been through together, turn your back and walk away.”

Gregar actually rolled his eyes at her. “How would you get Luke on board without me?” he muttered as he slipped Leia into her arms.

“Gregar-”

“I heard,” he snapped. “And I agree. Pick a ship, my lady.”

There was no point spending an age trying to find a ship that couldn’t be traced. They were about to go into orbit in a battlefield and all she needed was a reliable hyperdrive and strong shields. She could bargain and trade after that.

She went for the royal cruiser. It was their ship, they knew what they were dealing with if something went wrong.

Gregar brought Luke up and took him to the cabin. He took Leia too and she swallowed back the urge to beg him not to take her baby from her sight.

“I put her in a drawer,” he said taking the pilot seat and starting up the systems. 

“A drawer?” she asked, panicked.

“Open and on the floor. We need to keep the gravity on at all times.” Gregar flicked the controls and they started to lift up into the air. “Shields on at full capacity.”

She started to programme the hyperdrive before she realised she had no idea where she could go.

The answer came before she really thought about it.


	2. Mandalore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments :D

There had been a time when she had questioned the Duchess of Mandalore for her decision to remain neutral, to hold her pacificm above all else. She’d also envied her, wondered if she wasn’t the only one doing something that might stop the war and the profits that seemed to be made from it.

Satine had no allies among the force users. Apart from the few times that Anakin had gleefully hinted that his master wasn’t exactly unattatched when it came to the duchess.

He’d been more stunned than anything when Obi-Wan had apparently admitted that he had once debated leaving the order for Satine. 

Thankfully, she had accepted them without hesitation or negotiations. Free from treaties and the convoluted web of diplomacy, Satine had welcomed her like a friend and hadn’t questioned Padme’s frantic pleas for only droids to be used and that they be wiped afterwards.

It was awful that it was only when she saw the droids that she realised what her earlier nagging feeling had been back on Naboo before Leia had been born; she’d left Threepio behind in the apartments. And more awful that it barely registered on her top five things to worry about.

Luke was in a coma. Her son. Her little boy was comatose and she stared at the brain waves as they flickered on the monitor, willing them to change. What damage had it done to Luke to have that power, that fury blasted through his mind?

What damage did it do to have that shadow trapped within him?

And Leia. Her baby was in an incubator. Miraculously healthy, but she needed some extra care and nutrients to ensure that she continued being healthy. 

It was a relief. The medical droids had droned on endlessly about her own health, made comments about bleeding and tearing and complications that she barely paid any attention to. She submitted to their care but refused sedation, terrified that she’d have nothing left when she opened her eyes.

She ached, deeply and everywhere. But it paled in comparison to the endless noise in her head and the unrelenting thud of panic in her heart.

She’d knocked out a Jedi. Chosen to run from both the republic and the separatists. She barely had any credits with her. Anything that she could trade might lead a trail straight back to her. Her husband was MIA and her friends dwindling.

Jar-Jar. Had he fled when the gungans decided to attack? How many other gungans had refused to battle with their fellow Nubians?

She’d left Threepio behind.

Anakin would become a sith lord.

The sith were coming for her children. The Jedi too, she would guess if they started to feel that their days were numbered and Luke’s memories might hold the key.

And round and round the fears went; an unending circle of torment that wouldn’t stop whispering and nagging at her, preventing her from sleeping or switching off her mind for a single second.

She had to protect her children. Anakin’s children.

There was a small part of her that remembered what it had been like when she’d campaigned fiercely for the rights of the many, the voice of those who were being silenced. Championed protecting those who couldn’t protect themselves.

She was going to have to turn her back on that and part of her wanted to scream in outrage. Selfish, the young queen within her screamed.

But she was a mother now. She couldn’t take her children back to be used in this war. Not when she had no idea what the right side was or if she could protect them both from what was to come. And if that meant planets died and battles were lost then so be it.

“Padme,” Satine whispered gently, the noise still startlingly loud in the medi-centre with all its beeps and mechanical whirring as the droids moved around the room to do their jobs. “You need to rest. You’ve been through a terrible ordeal.”

Padme shook her head. “I can’t,” she whispered back. “Someone will come for them.”

A cool hand slid into her own. “It will do no good if you are exhausted when that day comes,” Satine soothed. “Without rest, you cannot protect your children.”

Her child had protected her. What if that had fried his mind? What if she’d exchanged one child for another? Was that the Skywalker curse? Always at the expense of another?

“I can’t do this,” Padme whispered. “I can’t do this without him.”

“You must.”

Padme looked at Satine.

“But you don’t have to do it alone,” the duchess implored. “Trust myself and Captain Typho. We will keep watch while you rest.”

She never even saw the syringe that Satine had slipped into her.

Xxx

When she woke it was hours later. Maybe even a day later. And when she woke, she woke with a terrified jolt, smoothing down her now empty belly and then sitting up as the memories flooded in.

Satine stood with Leia in her arms, cooing down at the baby as she was fed. “You drugged me,” Padme accused, unable to tear her gaze away from her daughter.

“You needed rest,” Satine said unapologetically. “Padme, you gave birth in a battle. Of course you needed some rest.”

Padme slipped out of the bed, slightly stunned by how much clearer she was thinking. Satine slipped Leia back into her arms and Padme adjusted awkwardly to feeding Leia. Behind Satine, Luke was still motionless on the bed, the machines still monitoring.

Her baby was all eyes, Padme decided as she studied the little face. She had the sweetest little mouth and looked deeply content with life as she was fed. Tiny hands flexed as if she was debating whether to continue to be happy with the milk.

“Did Naboo fall?” Padme asked, stroking Leia’s tiny hand to soothe the baby.

“Padme-”

“Did it fall?”

“Yes,” Gregar said, stepping though the med centre door. “And no.”

What?

At her baffled look, Satine sighed and turned on the holonet. Padme sat, Leia feeding, and watched the whole thing.

Count Dooku had arrived late and had stopped the invasion. There appeared to be some friction between him and General Grievous. There were comments about how different the count was to the Jedi. How he listened and interacted with the people of Naboo. The chancellor was praising his efforts and talking about opening up communication.

And most of the holonet mentioned that the Jedi order hadn’t done a thing to help.

“Last year,” Padme said softly, “I went to Mina Bonteri to ask about opening talks. The chancellor was convinced such a thing couldn’t be done. And Dooku had her killed. He blamed it on a republic air strike.”

“Perhaps the war is starting to come to an end. If Count Dooku truly is changing his mind-”

Padme shook her head. “I can’t even think right now,” she said, before her gaze switched to her son, still on the bed. “Luke? Has there been any change at all?”

“Not yet,” Satine said encouragingly. “But…perhaps a force sensitive”-

“No Jedi. No sith.” Padme stood and walked over to her son. With Leia and a bottle in her arms, she couldn’t reach down and stroke his hair or give him a kiss, but she stood over him and willed him to wake up.

He slept on.

Xxx

Having a baby was…amazing.

She didn’t find it the most rewarding thing in the galaxy and she could admit to herself that she enjoyed her interactions with Luke more because he was older and could explain his thoughts to her and it was fascinating to see the way a child viewed the world. Rather, Leia was amazing to her because every time Padme looked at her, she was struck by the knowledge that she and Anakin had made her. They’d made love and somehow a person had come out of it.

She’d never thought that before with Luke. He was her son and everything that came with it, but there was something about seeing a newborn that made the whole parenting process just that little bit more…miraculous.

Maybe more miraculous than even time travel.

And her daughter had so much personality already. Sleepy and exhausted from her struggle to come into the world, Leia already fidgeted. She’d have Anakin’s energy, Padme decided. A thousand and one things going on at the same time and an impatience for anyone not willing to have a go at keeping up with her. She had ten fingers and no nails yet. There were scraps of hair and she had the tiniest feet Padme had ever seen.

And she didn’t move from Padme’s arms. It was easy to keep her safe. Uncomplicated. 

The worst thing was that she couldn’t picture Anakin there with her. Everything was so far removed from their plans for the baby that it would never have happened like this if he’d been around. And if he came back now? Would he be angry with her for running away from a fight? For knocking out a Jedi?

She stopped the thought process, firming her lips and taking a breath. 

It was as it was and she had to cope with it. 

Xxx

Luke woke a week later.

She was asleep when Satine shook her awake, face alight with joy. And nothing could have stopped her from running over to her son and stroking a hand through his hair and pulling him close. All of which he accepted with baffled pleasure and the slight squirming of a boy that wasn’t sure if he was meant to be snuggling with his mother still.

“Where’s the baby?” he asked, staring at her stomach. His face pinched with worry and it was on the tip of her tongue to point out that he’d been there, that he’d seen…

Except, he hadn’t.

Gregar brought Leia over as Satine left to attend to matters of state. Luke stared at his sister with big blue eyes and then timidly poked a finger at her hands, almost as if testing whether she was a very well-made hologram.

“Would you like to hold her?”

Luke sucked in a breath. “What if I break her?” he asked very earnestly.

She popped a pillow on his lap and then, taking Leia from Gregar in a move that she felt she had only just perfected, lay Leia on the pillow.

It took her breath away for a moment to see brother and sister stare at each other for the first time. Luke had been as small as Leia once. In some timeline they’d lain side by side and slept and cried together, however briefly.

“Leia,” she said, watching Luke’s face carefully. “Leia Skywalker.”

It didn’t seem to trigger anything for him. Instead, Luke nodded and then smiled shyly up at her. “We start with the same letter,” he said proudly.

“You do,” she agreed. “Luke and Leia Skywalker.” Reaching out, she tucked his hair behind his ears. “What do you remember, sweetheart?”

Luke blinked and looked down at Leia again. “We were in the alley,” he said slowly. “And…and you were in pain and we were surrounded and…” he trailed off and his face darkened a little. “I let it out,” he whispered.

“Did it hurt?” she asked.

Luke nodded. “It feels like…like burning,” he said and looked away. “My head hurts,” he added with a weary sigh.

“Tired?”

Surprisingly, for him, Luke nodded. She took Leia into her arms and let her son settle back down into the bed.

She couldn’t rely on that then, she thought as Luke started to gently snore. In fact, she needed to find a way to get whatever version of Anakin it was out of Luke’s mind.

And keep them hidden.

And maybe, maybe later try to scrape together enough of her former self to do something about the state of the galaxy.

Maybe.


	3. Alderaan

“It’s silver,” Luke whispered to Padme as he almost leaned on top of the controls. “Mom,” he added with a slightly more urgent tone. “Look.”

She’d seen it before. But never through the eyes of her son. Perhaps the only good thing about running across the universe was the fact that she got to show Luke so many new places and watch his reactions.

Stepping behind him, she smoothed a hand through his hair and took a deep breath as she stared out the viewing port. They’d landed in a remote location on the planet, but one she’d been to before when meeting with Bail on more delicate matters.

“It’s silver and green,” Luke muttered to himself before he turned to blink up at her. “Can you have greeny silver?”

The things that went through his mind. Trying not to smile, she nodded and then took a breath before turning to share an amused look with Gregar.

“Come on,” she said, dropping her hand down to Luke’s shoulder. “Let’s go wake your sister.”

Luke looked at her like she was a lunatic.

Xxx

It was winter in Alderaan which was probably why it seemed more like silver to Luke. He seemed oddly baffled by the planet, perhaps because the landscape should have remined one of Naboo and yet it was a more elegant, polished version. 

In truth, it made her long for home. For wild green meadows and rough lakes that changed depending on the day. A place where wild, gentle creatures lived and where Anakin had once confessed his love for her.

She turned away and walked down along the deck hall and into the chamber which she had once used as her bedroom. She and Anakin had once spent three solar days locked in there…

Pointless to think of it now.

Instead, she fixed her attention on the baby sleeping with her hands and legs spread out like she had burned herself into exhaustion and just crashed out. At two months old, Leia was beautiful; her wispy hair was thicker now and certainly brown and her eyes had changed to the hue of Padme’s own. She was still all eyes though.

And those eyes narrowed as she was woken and a pouty frown crossed her daughter’s face as the baby seemed to be debating just how loudly she should protest being woken.

“I know,” Padme soothed, tucking Leia under her neck and against her body. “I know.”

Thankfully, Leia chose to let out a rather annoyed sigh instead and whimpered a little. With her free arm, Padme lifted up the bag that she had packed and cast a last look around the room. Then she turned and walked away.

Gregar had taken Luke off the ship. When she found them, they were sat on the ramp, the three packed bags that Satine had so generously given them were heaped on the ground and Luke was mimicking Gregar’s pose; knees up and elbows resting on them.

Though Luke was the one who cast a suspicious glance at Leia. “She isn’t crying?” he asked, sounding a bit baffled.

“She doesn’t always cry, Luke.”

Luke looked almost willing to argue that point. She pointedly ignored him, not sure if he was deliberately exaggerating or if it really did seem like constant crying to a child his age.

Instead, she took the lead, letting Luke and Gregar get up and grab their packs. She led them across the private landing pad and to the carved building opposite which was a thing of beauty. And, waiting inside, was Bail.

He said nothing as she approached, though his eyes softened with considerable sympathy. As she neared him, Bail reached out and surprised Padme by giving her a hug, Leia and all.

It was those moments that almost made her shatter like glass in the wind. Simple kindness that she didn’t expect flayed her open and exposed her grief like a raw wound for the universe to pick at. 

“Bail,” she greeted, stepping back when she was sure that she had her voice under control. “Satine relayed your message.”

Bail watched her for a moment and, this close up, she could see how tired he looked. He was a handsome man and at the moment he looked almost ill. 

Then he glanced at Luke. Warily.

“You are welcome in my house,” Bail offered, quickly snapping his gaze back and stepping aside to let them through. “We are alone here. The food has been pre-prepared and left in storage. We are not going to be disturbed.”

“Gregar,” Padme said turning to him. “Would you mind taking Luke and Leia up to the balcony. The warming pool up there still works I assume?”

Bail nodded. “Of course. There are towels up there. Please, make yourselves at home.”

She nodded tightly and passed Leia over who took that opportunity to whine. But Luke was there, his hand on her back and Leia quietened a little with a grumpy look at Padme before she snuggled into Gregar instead.

“I told you,” Luke muttered, not quite under his breath, “she always-”

Thankfully, Gregar wrapped his free hand around Luke’s mouth. “Shush,” was all Gregor calmly said before he turned Luke towards the door. “Remember what we talked about.”

The thoughtful and hopeful look that Luke shot Gregar made her instantly suspicious, but she hardly had time for it now. Instead, Padme stayed where she was and waited, tapping her foot until she heard no more from the small group that had left.

“Eekar seems to have a rather large mouth for a Jedi.”

“He reported back,” Bail agreed, moving to guide her into one of the conference rooms that he had. As soon as they were in and the doors cycled shut, he reached straight for the alcohol. “But that is not what I wanted to talk about.”

“Then don’t look at Luke as if he has-”

“A sith lord in his head?” 

Padme looked away and then shook her head when he offered her a glass of something. It felt almost surreal standing in a Republic conference room again, almost as if she could pretend that last two years hadn’t happened.

It seemed so wrong that she could almost pretend that.

“He saved us,” she replied and then watched him walk away to the table and sit down. Then she sighed and took her own seat opposite him. “I…how have the Jedi responded?”

“Mixed. From what I can tell. Master Yoda appears unfazed, I would suspect that he already knew.”

As did she. “You spoke to him?”

But Bail shook his head. “Nothing of note or worth about you. Though…” he shifted close. “There is a much larger problem.”

Oh? That hadn’t quite been what she’d wanted to hear. “Such as?”

It panicked her that he couldn’t quite look at her properly. “I…it…The Jedi were searching for you-”

“For my children,” she corrected harshly.

He hummed as if loathe to agree or disagree. “They…” he waved a hand and she guessed that the ways of the order were as much a mystery to him as they were to her. “There’s been a vision, in the force.”

“A vision?” she repeated doubtfully.

“Your children,” Bail said firmly. “They will be the birth of a new order. Of something new for the galaxy.”

It was…baffling. Maybe that was the right word? Or perhaps she really was tired that she couldn’t quite tell why he was looking at her like he’d just announced he had moments left to live.

“They…for something new to start then that means that the old one-”

“Fades,” Padme murmured and sat back in her chair, staring at the art work on the wall opposite. It was of a lilac flower that she had seen grow, the first bloom after the cold months and so pale that it almost looked like fabric in the wind. “They see him as the destruction of the order?”

“I…I think they see Anakin in that role.”

Anakin?

“The order declared Anakin-”

“Missing in action. Presumed dead,” Bail said and shifted as if uncomfortable. “The lack of certainty seems to be causing some concern.”

But…. “He is their chosen one,” she whispered. “He is to bring balance to the force.”

“By wiping them out?” When she gasped at the suggestion, Bail shrugged. “The order is starting to…interpret this prophecy in different ways.” He shook his head. “While Master Yoda is grand master, their official policy is to protect your children. To help you if you are found.”

Unofficially?

It must have shown through on her face because Bail looked away. “I don’t know.” Then he leaned forward. “I do know that Master Krell was accused of killing clones. I know that three Jedi in the past month have run into Zygerrian slavers and disappeared. I know that Master Windu wants Luke at the temple. That there are rumours about Dooku’s former apprentices.” Bail took her hand gently. “Padme, the universe is filling up with people that will have many different opinions about your children, but I fear the order itself is going to reach a breaking point. And soon.”

She wanted desperately to withdraw her hand, to curl up and away and just find a cave somewhere to hide until Anakin finally came back. Part of her was already so tired and so doubtful that she could do this.

“And if it does?” she asked, unwillingly.

“Then…at best…there will be no official policy to protect your children.”

And no Jedi to distract the sith. Her mind couldn’t help but leap ahead, making assumption after assumption. Strategizing in a way that she did for negotiations when she tried to picture what would happen next after every move and comment she made.

“The senate?” she forced herself to ask.

“The banking clan still want us to buy more, to borrow more. We have more clones in production than ever before. I…” Bail shifted and dropped her hands. “Losing Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin has been a blow to the propaganda. And the people are trusting the Jedi less and less. They barely see these wars and, when they do, the Jedi come amid destruction and then leave for somewhere else.” He shook his head. “They are becoming deeply unpopular and I am losing any foothold that we once had in drawing this war to an end.”

“What of Dooku?” Padme asked. “Satine said that Chancellor Palpatine and he seemed to be making some headway after Naboo.”

“The chancellor plans to go there for negotiations,” Bail said and she saw a grudging admiration in his eyes. “At least…he seems to become a little more proactive, the way he once was. I…he does seem truly moved by the loss of Anakin and you. You have become his rallying points.”

Good. It had been years since she and the chancellor had truly seen eye to eye. At least he was starting to make more of a concerted effort to bring the war to a close. 

“It is some good news,” Bail added. “Perhaps our only hope at this point is that the Chancellor will manage to make headway with these negotiations.”

Padme nodded. Then placed her palms flat on the table and drew in a deep breath. “Bail,” she said softly. “I need you to get something for me.”

Xxx

They remained on the planet as Bail left. Hidden in the depths of the mountains, Padme watched, half amused and half heartbroken as both her children experienced snow for the first time.

Leia, bundled up tightly against the cold, cooed and reached out clumsy, chubby hands and practically squawked when she felt the snowdrop on her hands. Her little face bunched up in confusion and she seemed to shake her hand and then eye up the snowdrops with some thought. Luke on the other hand seemed to be baffled by the idea of coats and warm protection and his hat never stayed on his head. He had stayed in the house, at the door and stared suspiciously at the snow.

It was only when it fell deeper that Luke ventured out, shaking his feet as he went. Then he stopped and stared up at the sky for an age.

“Credit for your thoughts?”

Luke hesitated and then leaned in close to her. “Dad told me about snowballs once,” he said haltingly. “He said he once tossed one at Obi-Wan. He said Obi-Wan made the funniest noise over it and yelled.”

She doubted Anakin had found that funny at the time. “Want me to show you?” she asked. Leia was against her body but could easily be tucked away inside the house.

But Luke shook his head. “I’ll wait,” he said with a sigh.

She didn’t know whether to encourage him to wait for Anakin or not. In the end, she just drew him closer and cradled both her children in her arms.


	4. Jedha

The ship landed carefully. It was the only possible way of describing it. Gregar sat in the co-pilot seat looking amused as Luke stayed very still, almost as if he expected something terrible to suddenly happen. As if Gregar hadn’t been bribing Luke into behaving well with the use of secret flying lessons for the past three months.

She wanted to find it funny, but her heart had broken just a little more at the realisation that Anakin wouldn’t be the one to teach their son to fly.

Her son peeped forward, hands still on the controls as if he didn’t dare to shift and disturb what he had done. Then he looked over at Gregar suspiciously, as if waiting to be told what he’d done wrong.

“Are you waiting for something?” Gregar asked.

Luke’s eyes narrowed and he took his hands off the controls slowly, almost as if he was surrendering to Separatists. “Did I do it right?” he asked, sounding slightly stunned.

“There’s nothing here for you to crash into,” Gregar sighed. “Not sure how you could get it wrong.”

There was an empty chasm where, if Ahsoka was around, she would chip in that Anakin could always manage to crash land anywhere. 

In her arms, Leia stirred.  At four months old, her daughter was usually a good sleeper, but Padme had already noticed that she would stir whenever Luke was excited. The baby shifted her hands closer to her mouth and blinked up with heavy sleepy eyes. Padme smoothed a thumb over her daughter’s soft, pale cheek and then looked out the viewer again with some trepidation.

She was quickly distracted by Luke sitting back in the pilot’s chair with some dazed triumph. A slow smile was spreading over his face as he spun around to look at her. 

Luke came close and smiled down at Leia. “I landed us,” he announced to her with a grin. Leia wriggled a little, apparently unimpressed by her brother.

When he looked up at Padme, he looked so much like Anakin when he was excited that it made her clench her teeth to avoid letting out a sob. She stroked his hair with her free hand as Gregar did the final security for the ship. It was a risk though, he’d explained that. There were some in the galaxy who now specialised in stealing ships and you could never predict exactly what you needed to do to keep the ship secure.

They needed to do this though.

Luke hefted a back-back on one shoulder and she raised an eyebrow at him which made him sigh and slip his arm through the spare one so that the pack rested firmly on his shoulder blades. Then he held out his hands and she slipped Leia into them.

He was good with her, she thought as she checked her blaster and picked up her own pack. After getting over his initial trepidation, Luke seemed to enjoy carrying his sister around, tucking her against his chest and cradling her head. Gregar was making his own preparations and Padme took a deep breath as she lowered the ramp.

Even after four months, she still half expected to see Anakin waiting for her, arrogantly leaning against a wall with that smile on his face. Especially in a landscape such as this.

Luke followed her down, Leia against his body, tucked under his chin and his hand resting on the back of Leia’s head as if to shield her from everything.

If only.

Padme took the lead, Luke and Leia in the middle and Gregar at the back. It was quiet on the surface, almost abandoned since the quicker hyperlanes had been discovered. Now, the moon was only of interest to those who wanted the spiritual quest or the crystals that were found deep underground.

It was cold. Padme had known that, had read that, but had found herself doubting it as they landed and she saw the terrain. She risked a glance back to see Luke wrap Leia’s blankets around the baby tighter, as he gazed around curiously.

It was an empty wasteland on one side. The other had looming city walls and huge gates which were open. Beyond, there were winding streets that looked almost too many for the amount of people.

Instinct told her that it was a trap. Logic, dismissed it and reminded her that a mostly abandoned city would always look like the beginning of a trap.

They made their way through the city, a few curious looks being turned their way. It was easy enough to ignore, she was used to people watching her.

In the middle of the city was a large dome that reminded her of the Jedi Temple. It was easy enough to follow the winding paths through until she found the opening that led to the open area in which the dome sat.

The dome of deliverance. 

There were monks gathered at the edges of the open doorway, and she could feel their eyes upon her.

“Stay close,” she warned Luke.

Her son nodded and glanced back at Gregar who gave him a sharp nod in return and she wasn’t entirely sure what that was about. All he could see of Leia was the back of her head as she snuggled into her brother. The sight made her steel herself and march over.

“I am looking for a man named Virez Attotya,” Padme said to those who were sat by the door. The monks stirred and exchanged looks, but remained silent.

“Who are you that asks?” 

“Someone in need of his help,” she said, keeping her hands by her sides, ready to fire if needed. Then one sighed and nodded, standing up. “Follow me,” he said.

“I’d prefer it if he came out here.”

“We will not hurt the children of the chosen one,” another said as they continued to sit on the floor.

The claim took her breath away. Suddenly fearful, she reached for her blaster.

“You can shoot us to get in or you can just follow,” the monks said, sounding unconcerned with her choices.

“Padme,” Gregar said softly. “Just follow them in. It’s why we came.”

Closing her eyes briefly, she nodded and stepped into the shadowed insides of the temple.

Xxx

Virez Attotya was a human male who sat in the middle of a large circular room, obviously meditating. As they stepped in, both Luke and Leia stared at him wide-eyed and silent and she wished that she knew what they felt.

Slowly, Virez opened his eyes and watched Padme carefully. A sad expression crossed his weathered face and he gestured at her to sit with him on the floor.

“I’d rather stand,” she said formally. Standing up meant she could reach for a weapon and protect her children if needed. 

It annoyed her that he smiled patronisingly at that. Then his gaze slid to Luke and he let out a very long sigh.

She glanced back at her son and then at Virez again. “You can sense it?”

“I can recognise it,” Virez corrected. “I am curious though, how did you know of my story?”

“Master Yoda,” Padme said after a moment, thinking of the files that Bail had brought her finally last month. “When we suspected that Luke had…a presence within him, he looked into all the old records. He handed them over to Anakin and I had his datapads. You’re my last hope.”

Virez watched her steadily and then gestured at Luke to come closer. Her son weaved over to her, handing Leia over with a worried look and then seemed to steel himself to step forward bravely.

“When I was a boy,” Virez said, “I was found by a former jedi knight. He had left the order; he had fallen in love within it and would not bring such shame upon her. He rescued me and cared for me. And died defending me.”

She watched as Luke stepped a little closer, his curiosity piqued. 

Virez tapped a finger to his forehead. “His training in the force wasn’t fully complete. He threw himself into me to protect me and ended up trapped within.”

Luke shifted, but didn’t say anything. There were days when she thought that Obi-Wan’s future self might have been a bit too forceful in enforcing Luke’s silence on certain matters.

“Headaches,” Virez said. “Voices. Torn reactions.” He glanced between them. “The boy has the force though, I imagine he’d been taught how to keep some of that at bay.”

“It seems so,” Padme answered when Luke still refused to speak. “Luke won’t use the force.”

Virez blinked in surprise and refocused his gaze on Luke. “Why not?” he asked.

Luke remained stubbornly silent. Then with a look as if to check in with Padme, his shoulders sipped a little. “Push it all away,” he whispered.

“You cannot separate the presence from the force?”

That was perhaps a little too complex for a nine-year-old to grasp. Luke’s nose screwed up a bit and he looked more confused than anything else. But Virez watched him with that thoughtful, sad gaze all the same.

“This,” he said looking over at Padme, “Will not be a quick fix.”

Xxx

Jeha was not the kind of planet that she’d planned on raising her children on. And she certainly hadn’t intended for them to be raised within a temple.

Yet…

Luke sat in the middle of the courtyard, cross-legged. His eyes were closed and his hand rested on his knees. The sunlight was creeping across the open area and he was half in shade. Padme rested against one of the stone blocks, Leia in her lap watching with wide eyes.

She’d meditated with Luke often. But she could sense this was very different. Behind him, Virez murmured something to him and Luke shifted, obviously uncomfortable. The greatest problem (so Virez claimed) was that while Obi-Wan’s attempts at getting Luke to push the presence away might have been the best option for the short term, the reinforced habit over the past few years was causing problems.

In another life, she could imagine that this was maybe how the Jedi had once started. With their lives dedicated to the force and providing help and healing for others.

Anakin would have been bored in a day if he’d been given to the monks like this.

It took weeks. Seven to be precise.

Then, Virez took her and Luke down to the Catacombs of the Cadera about half a day’s walk outside of the city walls. They went, just the three of them as Gregar watched Leia.

The catacombs were located under a huge rock formation that stretched up to the sky and inside was cold. Eerily cold and Padme almost drew Luke close to her. But her son was trying to focus on his meditation and didn’t need her clutching at him.

They walked down into the heart of the catacombs. The further down they went, the more the walls started to have a familiar texture of bone to them. Built up by generations of an unknown former civilisation, Padme tried not to stare.

Eventually, they came to an opening. 

“You will need to extinguish the torches,” Virez said softly. “And sit with us.”

She hated the dark. She lived in worlds that always had some light, be it from the stars or the city lights. From a lightsabre that hovered nearby, protecting her. The darkness that engulfed them was thick and heavy, like something that she might breathe in and get trapped by.

It made her want to scream.

Luke’s hand touched hers and she gripped it tightly. Virez held out his own hand to her, finding it uncannily for someone who claimed that he had no skill in the force. They sat, the three of them, in an unbroken circle and she could hear Luke breathing while Virez counted for him.

She started to follow it too. And, eventually, Virez’s voice faded.

For a while, she was consumed by the awareness of her own mind and body. How tired she was and how rarely she was drinking water, too focused on other things. How rarely she now stopped and breathed and just took time for herself without worrying and plotting and trying to see how all these little nagging things should add up.

Luke’s hand twitched in hers.

She hadn’t been aware that she had closed her eyes. It hadn’t made a difference whether she opened or closed them and so she hadn’t really bothered to keep track. But when she did open her eyes, it felt…different.

Someone was breathing harshly. And it wasn’t coming from the three of them.

Padme made a move, aiming to get her blaster, but Virez tightened his grip on her hand.

“We came here to summon a ghost,” he said, and she could almost hear the rueful smile. “Do not run away when we succeed.”

Luke’s hand shook slightly in hers and she wanted to grab at him, hold him close, but she’d been warned that breaking the circle would mean breaking the connection.

“Anakin,” she said firmly.

There was no reply. Just breathing. Heavy and…almost mechanical. A respirator, she realised with dawning horror.

“Vader,” Luke whispered.

He’d said that before. When he’d first come to them and experienced nightmares that made him scream like he was being killed. Had told them how afraid he was, how they’d been hunted. How he couldn’t breathe during the nightmare

What had happened?

_“This is unwise.”_

The voice startled her. For weeks she’d been preparing herself for hearing Anakin’s voice again, knowing that she couldn’t cry or do anything that might distract Luke. But the voice was…deeper. Mechanical again.

“It is necessary,” Virez said in that calm tone of his. “The child sustained damage. It needs to be healed.”

The cave’s shook and there was a feeling, a strong urge that she couldn’t quiet grasp but felt like protect.

“The child is unable to use the force because of what you have done. Would you have him rely on you for the rest of his life. His mind collapsing every time you come forth?”

_Guilt, rage, protect._

“Show yourself,” Virez suggested. 

The rage grew stronger and the area remained dark.

“We do not seek to destroy,” Virez continued. “But you cannot take over the boy. Not again. No matter the circumstances. You are in danger of destroying him and replacing his mind with your own, powerful as you are.”

_Guilt. Horror._

_Protect._

“A sith lord who loves,” Virez said gently, “is a terrible thing.”

Rage. Fury. Luke gasped and almost pulled his hand from Padme, whether to deliberately break the circle, she didn’t know. But she held on.

“You will kill him,” she said and she almost didn’t recognise her own voice. “Desperate as you are to protect him, you will end up killing him.”

_Regret. Horror. Protect._

“We…” she took a breath, “the procedure that Virez suggests would not get rid of you fully. It would allow you to protect him still, in a way.”

She felt his rage at the words ‘in a way’. The phrase ‘from a certain point of view’ echoed back at her with disgust and it almost sounded like Obi-Wan was saying it.

“We lock you in a part of his mind. Give you a space. You will be like a dream to him. You could teach him what he needs to know.” Virez said it without bias and Padme almost wanted to kiss him because she wasn’t sure if she could.

It had been their greatest problem, the fact that as a sith, Anakin might refuse to leave. That he was too powerful to force out without an equally powerful force user and Padme had no clue how to safely contact Master Yoda at the moment. And, as much as she hated it, Anakin’s ghost presence in Luke’s mind might be needed for the information he held.

The presence around them paused at that and Padme could almost feel the inner conflict.

Then suspicion.

“You would be powerless,” she admitted. 

_Rage._

“While you have power, the boy will never be able to fully access the force,” Virez said simply. “Either you keep your power and take him over, or you reduce yourself and let him flourish in the force.”

It was like standing on a cliff edge. Unbalanced and out of control, at the mercy of powerful elements that she didn’t fully understand.

Then he appeared.

He was flickering. One moment a ghastly machine that was all in black, his face covered in a mask that looked terrifying and the life support machine casting an eerie glow. Then in a hooded cloak a red glow tinged around him.

Anakin. But not. He didn’t feel like her husband anymore, even if he stood like him. And yet, something in him was exactly the same and it gave her a headache just to think of it.

He was staring down at Luke and she could feel her son grip her hand just a little tighter. Then suddenly, the figure was crouched in front of them, a hand cupping Luke’s face and lifting his gaze.

Her son, to his credit, held that gaze, even though he was clearly scared. A gloved thumb brushed over Luke’s cheek.

“I didn’t know,” the ghost whispered. “I didn’t even suspect.”

It seemed to mean something to Luke who blinked up at him. His blue eyes scanned the flickering ghost’s face.

“I thought Obi-Wan had abandoned your sister. All I wanted was to find him. At any cost to ensue he paid for her death. And then…” the ghost’s hands tightened on Luke’s face. “I had his apprentice in my grips.”

He’d ripped Luke’s mind apart.

It wasn’t a revelation. More like being confronted with a fact she hadn’t wanted to admit to. Her vision blurred as she stared at the two, as she stared at what her husband might have could still become.

And yet, he’d thrown himself into Luke’s mind to repair it, in a desperate attempt he’d never been trained for and had trapped himself in doing it. Killed himself doing it.

The chosen one dead. His daughter dead. His son unable to truly access the force or accept what had happened.

How hopeless that universe must have become.

Luke continued to stare up. In a perfect world, perhaps he would have uttered some forgiveness or castigated his father for what had happened. But Luke was nine and scared and confused so all he did was stare.

“How is it done?” the ghost asked.

“Make a room,” Virez instructed. “Or a building. And then sleep. Allow yourself to fade, just a little. Trust that he will be safe.”

The mask turned to him. Then flickered back and forth. “The republic will fall soon,” he said without emotion. “The empire will rise. Inquisitors, Emperors hands. An imperial navy the likes of which has never been seen. He will not be safe.”

“But you come back,” Padme insisted. “This mission-”

The ghost shook his head. “I returned from the citadel after three days,” he said. 

No. 

No. Anakin-

She lifted her hands to her face, shaking and, just like that, the ghost and the eerie light that had flooded the caves with him vanished.

She didn’t mean to scream. She would never intentionally scare her son. But the clawing pangs of horror and anguish engulfed her and she hadn’t realised how much she had held onto the hope that he was coming back. That it was just a matter of time.

She never knew how they got out of those catacombs.


	5. Chandrila

It was going to be a waste of time, she knew that. And understanding their motives and responsibilities was not the same as agreeing with them.

Still, one day she would need them.

“Padme,” Mon Mothma said, walking forward to meet her. “It has truly been too long.” She held out her hands to grasp hers and smiled hopefully.

It was strange seeing her. She wore, as usual, all white and it was pristine. Almost a year in Jedha had made Padme feel almost uncomfortable by such riches and she smiled tightly all too aware of what Mon was seeing when she looked at Padme. She’d cut her hair not long after their meeting with Vader and she was thinner than she had been. Tougher too, she thought as she felt Mon’s softer palms in her own calloused ones.

Behind Mon, Bail was standing up to greet her too. They both looked exhausted, weary. As did Satine who sat at the far end of the table, her clothes as plain and unremarkable as Padme’s own.

Hiding from the empire was a pain, she thought with a nod at him as she moved to take a seat at the table. “How many of the Jedi survived?” Padme asked without preamble.

“We have no idea,” Bail admitted. “They were scattered by the end. The attacks on the temple by their own, their disagreement over the prophecy. Those with their clone troopers were attacked.” He shook his head and settled back into his chair. “I helped Master Yoda escape.” He hesitated and then met her gaze. “He wanted to know where Luke is.”

Padme said nothing in response. 

“It’s perfect,” Mon said, as she sat back down. “Palpatine out manoeuvred all of us. The war, he must have conceived it all from the very start. Playing both sides.”

Yes. That was abundantly clear now. “How has Dooku been recognised in this new Empire,” Padme asked, unable to keep the disgust from her voice.

“As a protector. Palpatine claims that the Jedi tried to assassinate him and Dooku foiled their plot.” Bail snorted. “One of them must have started to piece it together.”

“Do we know who?”

Bail shook his head. “Master Yoda was not forthcoming about that.”

Right. She pressed her lips together in frustration. She needed to know who to watch out for, who to tell Luke to run from. 

She needed to protect them and she couldn’t do that alone.

“The separatists have their wish then,” Mon murmured thoughtfully. “The end of the ‘corrupt’ republic.”

“Most of the planets are half bankrupt from the war. They’ll accept this,” Satine said softly. “The independent systems will struggle to remain so with such a combined force.”

An imperial navy the likes of which has never been seen.

Padme shifted.

“The clones are to be decommissioned,” Satine said shaking her head. “The entire galaxy is reeling from the clone wars. Palpatine will use a way to build up this empire until no-one can stop it.”

“People are celebrating it,” Mon said, staring at nothing. “The end of the war. Finally achieving unity. The Jedi are being blamed and no-one minds that those that remain are being hunted down. In a few years, there will be nothing to fight him with.”

Padme watched her, hoping quietly.

“Or,” Bail said calmly, “in a few years, the reality of this empire will set in.”

“We cannot force people to want to be free,” Satine said sadly. “Nor to agree with us.”

Padme glanced over at her. To the universe, Satine was dead, overthrown in the rebellion of Mandalore. She of all people would know how this worked. Across from her Mon was tilting her head and Padme could almost hear what she was thinking.

“He is a sith lord,” Padme said. “Palpatine,” she specified after a moment when they all looked at her. 

“That’s Jedi business,” Mon said after a pause. “And, in a few years time, perhaps there will be a Jedi who can-”

She stopped when Padme stared at her. The room fell into an uncomfortable silence until Bail drew in breath. “He’ll hunt down Luke and Leia,” Bail said firmly. “If he is a sith lord then there might not be much of a choice.”

“Do you honestly think that I’m not aware of that?” Padme snapped at him. “That I am painfully aware of how little choice I have? My children are hunted by every force user in the galaxy at the moment for one reason or another. Do not presume to tell me what I should fear.” She stood up.

“Padme-”

“I have no choice,” she breathed. “You can sit and debate what’s best and what’s wise and how to play this. But I need to find allies. I need to find a way forward. Hope for my children-”

“Padme-”

She held out a hand to Satine to quiet her. “You’re not going to do it, are you?” she asked. “Not yet. You’re just going to let him create an empire-”

“We cannot force people to fight,” Mon said simply. “And at the moment, Padme, there is support everywhere for the empire. Relief that there will not be endless debates in committees. Planets are poor, they have suffered. They want peace and a chance to rebuild. I agree with Bail,” she said a little reluctantly. “We have to wait until the realities set in. Until people realise what freedom they are giving up.”

Wait?

“He will hunt us,” she almost snarled. “I know what he will create. There will be force users hunting the galaxy and enforcing his laws. There will be an army and navy that will be bigger than anything else we have ever seen. A sith lord so powerful that he can defeat Jedi masters that go to arrest him.” She glanced at Bail. “You are going to form a rebellion. All of you will because you are who you are. But I can’t wait for you to do that.”

“Padme-”

She shook her head. “The outer rim territories remember that the Jedi came to help. There are planets that are grateful to them. What I do need from you is to discover if some of the Jedi have fled to the places that I need to go to. I can’t risk stumbling across those who might harbour grudges or seek to take my children.”

“Wherever you have been hiding-”

“I don’t intend to always take the children from there,” Padme said firmly. “But I will not hide from the galaxy and wait for someone to come for us. I will create that rebellion. I will preach and beg and plead and bribe and wake people up to the fact that they are volunteering to be slaves in an empire. And if Anakin and the rest still live and find a way home to us then all the better, but I will do it. With or without them because he is not having my son or my daughter.”

“I’ll go.”

Padme blinked at Satine.

“I no longer have the responsibility of a planet.”

“You are leading the rebels on Mandalore.”Padme almost bit her own tongue as the words came out because why? Why resist help?

“Between the empire and the warriors…” Satine shook her head. “This is needed. And you are right. At some point in the future, there will be a need of a rebellion. A galaxy wide one.”

“We can work with the senate,” Mon said slowly. “Speeches, pointing out injustice. We can wake people up to what happens.”

Bail nodded at that. “We will need to be patient though.” He looked at Padme pointedly.  “And are you determined to keep away from all Jedi?”

“At the moment,” Padme said. “Leia is…I need her to be able to run if needed. I want to keep them out of it until she’d a little older.”

It was clear that Bail wasn’t exactly pleased about that, but he didn’t argue. “A few have come through Aldaraan. Master Yoda has sent them to me.”

“I’m not saying don’t help them. Simply that I don’t want to see them at the moment. Cells and factions.”

Bail seemed to accept that idea better. “So this is it then. Us. Creating the seeds of a rebellion.”

It seemed so.

Xxx

She didn’t stay to socialise or discuss it further. She and Satine would be in contact with each other and had created codes to help keep their messages private. But, for now, she needed to be home.

It was hard to say exactly when Jedha had become home. But in the past year, she had started to find familiarity in the planet and the monks.

“Mama.”

Padme knelt down to greet her daughter who toddled over to her making what Luke called ‘grabby hands’. Leia’s brown hair now curled around her shoulders in thick waves like her own and was so soft that Padme sometimes wondered if she felt jealous over it. But her daughter’s pleased noises made her gather the little girl close to her heart and rock her, breathing in her familiar smell.

She’d taken a homestead in the city walls, close to the temple. Gregar sold a sort of hybred version of Nubian bread using the local resources and they traded it for other goods. She could smell the bread in the ovens now and the idea of getting inside where it was warm and cosy was almost too tempting for words.

Lifting Leia up, Padme settled her on her hip and stroked Leia’s hair. “Have you been good?”

“Mm,” Leia said, sounding unconcerned by that idea. “Luke home soon.”

Good.

Padme waited a little longer, watching the streets and the people there who, bundled up against the cold, meandered their way along.

“Kisses,” Leia demanded, then made a smacking noise with her lips. Padme smiled and turned her cheek to Leia who almost smashed her lips into Padme’s skin in a mini headbutt and then cackled.

After a moment, a familiar figure appeared in the streets, slipping through easily. The locals were familiar enough that a few almost seemed to roll their eyes at Luke as he dashed through.

Now ten, Luke was up to her shoulders and she smiled as he crashed into her, arms around both her and Leia who clapped happily at her brothers return. She lay her cheek on his head and stroked her hand through his hair. “And have you been good?” she asked Luke.

He made a noise that sort of indicated it could have gone either way. Then he looked up with his father’s smile. “I might have tripped someone up in the street.” And then he looked at his sister. “And she kept stealing my milk yesterday.”

Yes. She could well believe that. “You handled it like a mature big brother I assume?”

Luke danced away from her with an easy grin. “Yep. Splashed her with it.”

“Luke,” Padme scolded as he darted inside. “She’s still a baby. You cannot-”

“She starts it,” Luke muttered and she entered into the main room where Gregar sat reading something. “I am so sorry I left you with them,” she sighed.

Gregar didn’t even look up. “She does start it. I pity the fool that has to tell that girl what to do when she’s older.”

“You do realise how likely it is that you’ll be one of those fools?”

“He’ll get to do it,” Gregar said, pointing at Luke who had made a beeline for the food cooking. Luke shook his head as he went and peered into the stockpot.

“You,” Padme said, as she lifted her daughter to look her in the eye. “Are trouble.”

Leia simply giggled at that. “Up,” she demanded, holding her arms out. “Flying.”

Padme indulged her, zooming the girl around the room. Luke spooned out some bowls and brought one over to Gregar then stood behind him, spooning into his own as he watched Padme and Leia.

She pulled Leia in close to press kisses to her cheek and then put the girl down on the floor. Then watched wordlessly as Luke closed his eyes and the bowl on the counter started to lift.

His control was impressive. The bowl didn’t wobble as it floated over to her and she was able to pluck it up without effort on his part to let go. What was better was his proud smile as he managed it and then ducked his head shyly.

She had no idea where he got that shyness from. She could admit that, at times, she and Anakin had bordered on being almost arrogant about their abilities, no matter what they were.

Leia babbled to herself as she tottered over to Luke and leaned into him. Her son simply ducked down so that he too was sitting on the floor, her standing next to him and he loaded up a spoon for her without really thinking about it. Leia took an obedient mouthful and then peered into the bowl.

“Mm,” she said to Luke pointedly.

“Sit down then,” he muttered at her.

Leia obeyed, landing heavily on her bum and then opening her mouth. The sight made Padme want to laugh, but she came over to her children, sitting down by them and taking Leia. Her daughter whined and reached for Luke.

“Let Luke eat in peace,” Padme chided as she did the same that Luke had done. For a moment, Leia looked as if she might fuss just to be difficult, but, with a look at Luke she let out a huffy baby sigh and started to begrudgingly eat Padme’s food.

“Is there gonna be a rebellion?” Luke asked. 

Padme fed Leia another mouthful, practically feeling Gregar’s gaze finally rest on her. “Not yet,” she admitted. “it’s too soon. People would have no idea what they would be rebelling against.”

Luke drew his knees up to his chest, his gaze far away and she wondered if he was talking to Vader. Wondered what he’d be saying.

Luke never talked to her about it. She hadn’t exactly handled it well when they’d been in the temple. All she knew was that Vader was no longer a threat to her son and sometimes Luke startled awake and spent the rest of the night frowning at nothing.

And when it happened, he’d lean into her, but he still kept far too much to himself.

“We’ll stir the starts of one. The outer rim worlds should be an easy place to start,” Padme said gently to Gregar. “If you’re willing.”

He nodded and she suspected that, as much as he cared for the children, he was starting to find the situation frustrating. “Satine will help too,” Padme added. “Bail and Mon will continue to work in the senate. Fight in that battle.”

“That I do not envy them,” Gregar said. Then he looked pointedly at Luke and Leia. Her son stirred and glanced between them and then at Leia.

“Hey,” he said sounding outraged. “I don’t need looking after. I’m almost an adult-”

“No you’re not,” Gregar said, returning to his datapad.

“I am- Mom, tell him that I’m-”

“Ten?”

Luke looked as if she’d betrayed him. “Not a kid,” he muttered. “I can help.”

She almost smiled at him. But knowing Luke he’d take that as permission. “One day,” she allowed. “But not now. Now, you need to look after Leia.”

Her son’s gaze fell on his sister and then he rolled his eyes. “Fine. But we don’t need a babysitter.”

She reached over and cupped his chin to lift his gaze to hers. “I assume that means that you’ve learnt how to cook since I’ve been away?”

Luke squirmed and then sighed. “I want to help,” he whined again.

“You do,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him. Seconds later, Leia was there too, copying them and it made Padme giggle a little.

“You both do,” she said even as her mind leapt elsewhere. To a future where her children might be the ones to face Palpatine, might be the hopes of a galaxy wide rebellion.

She tightened her grip.

Xxx

That night, she watched them sleep. It never escaped her notice that on the rare days that Leia climbed into Luke’s bed, he never pushed her away but instead clung to her like she was the old Delta 7 model that he had used as a security blanket for years.

Her babies.

“They deserve more than this,” she said quietly before she turned to Gregar who was ready to go. “So do you.” She drew in a breath. “I haven’t been fair to you-”

“Padme,” Gregar cut her off. “I have followed you for years not because I wanted you to be in debt to me or because I love babysitting. But because I believe in you and the galaxy you want to create. I believe in you as a leader. And you needed time to find that in you again.”

She stared at him.

“You are… my senator. My queen. My leader. I would follow you to the edges of the universe. Many would. You should remember that.”

“I…I’m not sure how to do that and be their mother,” she said honestly.

“You do better at it than you think,” he said gently. Then dipped his head low. “My lady.”

“My friend,” she said, dipping her head in return. “May the force be with you,” she offered.

That earned her a rare crooked smile from Gregar. “I’ll return as soon as I can,” he promised before he left the room to fly off and meet Satine.

Padme drew in a long breath, aware that, for the first time, she was alone with both her children. The realisation shook her a little and she frowned at it before she turned back into the room.

Her beautiful children. Luke’s hair was getting a little too long and he was looking strangely settled. It was his nature, she supposed. Luke could settle down anywhere and find things to enjoy. Leia probably remembered no other place and that broke her heart a little. Her daughter should have memories of Naboo. Of Coruscant.

Of her father.

She slid into the bed with them, wrapping them both up in her arms.

“We’ll do this,” she whispered in Leia’s ear as she stroked Luke’s hair back from his face. “I promise you, both of you, you won’t spend the rest of your lives in hiding. I’ll dismantle the entire Empire if I have to.”

She watched them both long into the night.


	6. Epilogue

He imagined sometimes that he’d never gone on the mission.

He imagined that he was still at home. Remembered the sleepy mornings in between missions with his son creeping into their bed and snuggling up. The warm slant of sunlight turning Luke’s hair golden and Padme’s skin into glowing porcelain. Reaching out to feel their daughter kicking and shifting and whispering to her that he loved her, that he would be the first face that she would see and not one bad moment would ever touch her life.

He’d let them down and that knowledge was an agony like nothing he had ever felt before.

Time was… blurred. He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep for. Didn’t know how long he’d spent suffering from hibernation sickness, clawing at the floor of a cell and holding Ahsoka’s hand as they both tried to get through it without the force.

The force bindings on his wrists felt heavier than the one around his neck which was humiliating enough. It almost made him glad for the helmet that he wore that covered the side of his face and dipped along the line of the ridge of his nose. Almost as if because his face was mostly hidden, no-one would know he was there. And now he stood at the balcony, protecting the woman that had made him a slave once more in order to ensure his friends lived.

In order to ensure that when he finally made his escape, it would be successful.

Ahsoka was who knew where. Obi-Wan still was under and Anakin had no idea where he was being stored. And there was a damned chip in his neck that meant if they strayed too far from each other they would die.

How had it gone so wrong? Where was Artoo? How had the Zygerrian’s found him and the republic hadn’t? Where had they been found?

The questions unleashed a monster inside of him and some days he wasn’t sure he could cope with it.

He’d screamed at his captors when he’d first woken. Tried to fight, weak though he’d been. And then again after the beatings and when they’d taken Ahsoka. Rex.

Rage bubbled constantly and yet stronger was sorrow. Sorrow because, as much as he wasn’t sure about how long he’d slept and taken to recover, he knew that he’d missed his daughter’s birth. He knew that he’d missed Luke’s birthday and that Padme was alone.

Sometimes it felt like he could pull the building down with the rage he felt with that knowledge. If he could reach out to the force now, he would tear the world apart and rip his way through the slavers, damn the consequences and damn whatever the Jedi wouldn’t condone. Anything to get back to his family and ensure they were safe.

Yet…

He’d reach for Luke first. Always. And he believed with everything that he had that Luke would respond because he knew his son. But Luke wouldn’t reply if he was scared. Wouldn’t let down those shields if he felt Anakin’s rage.

So he took a breath. And waited. And slowly learnt patience. 

Slowly, learnt control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> And if you would like to check out more of my writing then see: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Porters-Lodge-Sins-Father-Book-ebook/dp/B07FK5QXJV/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534373721&sr=8-1&keywords=porter%27s++lodge.
> 
> :)


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